Choose the Better Thing

Sometimes the "better portion"can look a lot
like the people who live with you.

 Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

I don’t know about you, but sometimes Christmas preparations in our house don’t look anything like choosing the “good portion.” Instead, there is the urgent search for addresses, and then for a clear, clean flat space big enough to write the found address on an envelope. There is the shopping that happens on the computer—usually as children play in the bathtub and experiment with waves, wondering how high the splashes can get before mommy’s glazed-over eyes snap to attention at the state of the sopping wet floor. There is also the shopping that happens in real stores—like that perfect book you buy for your husband from a real book store where you stand in a claustrophobic line with four wilting, starving children for 15 minutes, wondering every second why you didn’t just buy it online. There is holiday menu planning—which leads once again to the store, this time for that one ingredient you don’t have and the fifteen things you remember you need while trying to find the one thing. There is the wardrobe planning—picking out shirts that won’t irritate the boys and dresses that are equally snazzy for the girls. Of course, along the way you discover there is a hole is someone’s tights; back to Walmart you go. This doesn’t even take into account normal life tasks like cooking and laundry. Sitting down? What is that?

So, I’ve felt a bit run over by December. It added up to a lot of work crammed into every nook and cranny of life not taken up by school, visits, playdates, and sleep. Well, sleep ended up being a negotiable. Last Wednesday afternoon, I walked in the door having finally crossed off everything on the list. The next morning, my oldest child woke up and threw up.

As I ran between rooms, emptying vomit buckets, making lunches, and running laundry, I was struck with thankfulness. I was running hard and tired, but with more purpose and peace. This day, I was finally at home doing the best thing: I was present to my family. Making toast and canceling haircut appointments. Teaching the healthy kids how to build a more durable Lego structure. Brushing and braiding doll hair. Reading to my sick child while squeezing Tylenol and ginger ale one drop at a time from an oral syringe into his mouth, praying it would stay down. This was the good portion.

Perhaps the problem with Martha wasn’t that she was busy about the meal and the housework. Any mom knows these are essential things in any home, especially when a crowd is expected. In fact, if we were to consider the excellent wife of Proverbs 31:10-31, we would see a woman hard at work at home and in business to provide for the needs of her family. But Martha didn’t know when to stop working. Jesus was in her home, talking and teaching. Mary stopped to listen, just as so many crowds had stopped to listen. In that moment, physical food didn’t matter—Mary was feasting on the Word. But Martha didn’t stop to listen. Her mind was too busy with the logistics of physical needs to hear words of eternal life. Her soul, so concentrated on serving food, starved. What she needed was to put down the checklist and to be with Jesus.

In God’s mercy, my child got sick after the logistics of Christmas errands were done. My day was busy, but not because of a checklist. But what if the vomit had come in the middle of Christmas cards being stuffed or addressed? What if he got sick before all the gifts had been wrapped and shipped? What then? What if Jesus called me to come away from all the busyness of errands, from my projects and gift preparations, to attentively care for my child? Would I have found the wisdom and courage to set aside the cards and let things be late? To peacefully and quietly give up my agenda and multitasking and give him my presence? Would I, in the middle of chaos, been able to recognize that sitting at his side was the better thing?

Christmas can be a beautiful time of celebrating Christ together as a family. It can also be a terribly distracted time for moms, who are busy about food, clothing, cards, gifts, and getting to places on time. May I challenge us to fight for focus this year? Let’s not run over ourselves or our family with logistics. Do the necessary things, and then choose the better thing. Get everyone clothed and fed and gifted, and then just enjoy being with them. Don’t worry about checking all the boxes. Aim to do what you reasonably can, and then focus on the people God has wisely chosen to put in your life. There are chores and logistics that are needful, but they are not always needed “now.” Prayerfully consider and choose the best thing for “now.” Choose to be present and attentive to your family, people Jesus has given to you, this Christmas.

As I write this, I have little idea what our Christmas will look like. I know it will be a bit fuzzy—remember those canceled haircuts? They never got rescheduled lest we pick up any worse germs, so the boys are looking a bit thick on top, but we’ll count it as extra insulation. The more important thing is that my oldest son seems to be recovering from his mysterious virus. However, healthy or sick, our goal is to spend our holiday together, playing and resting. To that end, I won’t be posting anything new on this blog for the next three or four weeks. I’ll still be writing from time to time while I sit in the darkened hallway at the end of the day, waiting for the kids to fall asleep, but I won’t be putting myself or my editor husband under a deadline to get things done. While I love writing, I love my family more. During this season, I may not have Jesus sitting in my kitchen, but I have the four children He has given me spending Christmas in our home. It might not always be this way, and I don’t want to miss it. Writing can wait. Now is the time to choose the better thing.

Trusting God in a "Plan B" Christmas

What do you do when whooping cough cancels Christmas plans?
Trust God. Act in His strength. Treasure what He gives.

We were eight minutes away from church on Christmas Eve. The van was only half-full that chilly Sunday morning. My husband was home with our 2-year-old twins “Marigold” and “Stanley,” as Stanley had started a cough the night before. During our twenty minute drive on the freeway, my 6-year-old son had started coughing himself. Now, as we navigated down White Bear Avenue, he started to complain his tummy hurt—that he might need to throw up. Driving into the heart of the inner city, the most sanitary-looking public bathroom stop was a White Castle. We were just five minutes from church. I asked him if he could make it to the bathroom there. He threw up in the cup holder.

We didn’t go to church that Christmas Eve. Later, my parents would opt to have a “quiet evening” at home rather than join us for dinner. We all prayed for no more vomit. None came—but the cough stayed. The next day as I welcomed the extended family into our home to celebrate Christmas Day, my husband and the boys were quarantined at my parents’ house. That was not quite what we planned, but there was the promise we would do Christmas with grandparents New Year’s Day. Then, Stanley landed in the doctor’s office December 27 for the official diagnosis of the persistent cough and fever (now shared with his three siblings): whooping cough. Life was canceled.

There wasn’t any big Christmas party for our children that year; there was barely any party. My parents brought over presents but kept their coats and gloves on while they watched the kids unwrap them. Still, the calendar said “Christmas” and “New Year’s” and the kids knew it. The question was, what were we going to do about it?

It wasn’t the first time sickness snuffed out our holiday plans. Knowing my kids, it probably won’t be the last time either. As I type this, Stanley is laying by my side, down with another fever. However, if there is something to learn from our coughing Christmas, it is that attitude makes (or breaks) a holiday.

Consider the original Christmas. Consider what that day held for Mary. Imagine riding on the back of a donkey while very pregnant, finally arriving at your destination to find out there is no room in any house for you. The only place to rest in is a stable or barn or cave—clean, hopefully, but still somewhere animals were housed. Maybe this wasn’t a frowned on practice in the first century, but I have to think no woman really wants to give birth in a barn. Consider being far from home and familiar help when your contractions start. We don’t know if there were other women helping her through delivery. Hopefully there were, as her only traveling companion was Joseph. When baby is born, he is wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in an animal’s feeding trough. Their first visitors arrive that night—shepherds, straight from the field, sharing with them the announcement of the angels. What is Mary’s reaction to all this? “But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart” (Luke 2:19). Tired, no doubt bewildered, she still treasured the goodness of God. She did not scorn His providences, but rested in His promises.

Friend, what will we do when the kids get sick on Christmas? What will we say when a car breakdown leads to a breakdown of plans? How we will react when a winter storm means we can’t go to grandma’s house? Trust His providences and His promises. Act with the resources He supplies. Treasure the moments He gives.

Trust His providences and His promises. Take a deep breath. Let go of your expectations and fault-finding and trust this twist in plans is from God’s hand and for your good (Romans 8:28). If sparrows (Matthew 10:29) and kings (Proverbs 21:1) are under His control, so are germs (Deuteronomy 32:39) and travel plans (James 4:13-15). His plans for you may not be as you visualized, but they are for your good (Jeremiah 29:11). While we may mourn the loss of our plans, yet we can trust that “those who seek the Lord lack no good thing” (Psalm 34:10b). If He has denied something, it is because it was not good for us to have at this time; He has something better for us. If we can embrace this truth, it will ease every change and every loss—and help our families as well. After all, the loss of the day is a loss felt by everyone in the family, especially our children. As moms, our attitudes largely impact those of our children. As our children watch us fight our disappointment with faith and choose to trust God’s promises and purposes, hopefully they will learn to do the same.

Act with the resources He supplies. Maybe you can’t leave the house. Maybe the Christmas party will go on without you. Still, how can you use the time and resources God has given you in these different circumstances to celebrate God’s love? Grab some fancy paper napkins and paper plates and feed sick children their toast as a picnic dinner around the Christmas tree. Cuddle up with a stack of favorite picture books or watch a favorite movie together. Put together a puzzle or play a game. Light candles or break out party favors. If tummies allow, make your own feast of family-favorite comfort food. Don’t focus on what you can’t do. Get busy doing what you can do.

One way you can help “Plan B” to go better is just to prepare for the possibility of it in your mind and in your pantry. Ask: what would make a meal at home more special? What small but fun things would bless my children? Keep some festive paper products, ingredients for favorite foods or treats, and party favors tucked away in the pantry. Paper products and party favors keep well from year to year. Ingredients do need to get used up, but my kids don’t tend to complain about a favorite meal on a random day “just because.”

Treasure the moments He gives. Acknowledge this day is different from what your plans were and move on. Make the most of the opportunities God has given you. As you can, enjoy the day you have been given. Find reasons to be thankful for it. Think through the things you are now free to do that you would have missed out on before. Take pictures. Share snapshots of your time together. Treasure the moments you have and the memories you make.

Ironically, our whooping cough Christmas was our most contented holiday (thus far). For the week of Christmas and New Year’s we couldn’t go anywhere. Instead, tired or coughing, we snuggled under the blankets together and read stacks of books until the reader (usually me) fell asleep mid-sentence. On a more active day, we concocted our family recipe for chocolate banana chocolate chip muffins. We took pictures and spent the time together. It was a gift.

Sometimes life happens on Christmas. Don’t let it crush you or your family’s celebration. Learn to hold loosely to all the fun trimmings of the holiday season and hold tightly to what matters most. Hold tightly to your Savior. Trust His wise providence over your life when it takes unexpected or unwanted turns. Use the resources He has given you to set apart the day in His name and in His strength. Treasure the gifts and moments, obvious and subtle, He gives you. These are His good plans for you. Trust His purposes, rest in His promises, and have a truly contented Christmas.

The Carol of the Walls

What do our Christmas decorations say about
our celebration of Christmas?

A few years ago while browsing the Christmas décor at Walmart, I noticed they had a selection of removable wall stickers that were explicitly Christian. For less than ten dollars, I could put Luke 2:11 and a nativity scene on my wall. Needless to say, they ended up in my cart and we began a new tradition that year—literally decking out our walls in Jesus’ name. At first it seemed just a great solution to the season we were in: here was a nativity my 18-month-old twins couldn’t break, a Jesus in a manager piece the kids couldn’t wander off with. It worked.

Now we’re back to a season of life where we can put up a real nativity, but the wall stickers have stuck around. After years of carefully removing them and storing them, they come out every Christmas as an important reminder to all of us: Advent is first and foremost the celebration of Christ.

Over my lifetime, I’ve inherited a large selection of Christmas decorations, passed on by grandmas who shared their excitement for Christmas by beautifying their homes. Even bathrooms were decorated. One of my grandmas is now celebrating in heaven and the other, here on earth and in her nineties, is downsizing her trimmings to fit her apartment. As I look through all the Christmas treasures they have passed on to me and seek to make Advent traditions for my own children, I’m realizing more and more the importance of what I put up on our walls and trees. If someone were to ask my children, “What is Christmas about?” what would they answer? Or if the person didn’t ask at all, would they know what we celebrate on Christmas simply based on what they see of our home?

Advent should be a season of joy, a season set apart as we celebrate the incarnation of the Light of the World (John 8:12). Even if at no other time of the year we make any effort to decorate for a holiday, surely Christmas is worth our consideration. The carol “Joy to the World” does say, “Let every heart prepare Him room.” One way we can remind ourselves to do that is to put up visible reminders in the rooms of our home. When making the effort to decorate for Christmas, I try to keep two questions in mind:

Is it about Christ? I’m not advocating we go on a “Santa hunt,” round-up reindeer, melt down Frosty, or burn miniature villages of innocent figurines. However, when we walk through this season as a family, I want the dominant theme of our thoughts and hearts to be Christ. Advent is celebration of God’s fulfillment of His promise given in Genesis 3:15—the long-awaited Messiah has been born!

The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;

those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
on them has light shone. […]
For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given;

and the government shall be upon his shoulders
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and of peace

there will be no end,
on the throne of David and over his kingdom,

to establish it and to uphold it

with justice and with righteousness

from this time forth and forevermore.

The zeal of the Lord of hosts will do this. (Isaiah 9:2, 6-7)

To greet this Redeemer King, to mark His advent on this earth, I want to prepare my rooms in such a way that points the eyes and hearts of all who enter my house to Him. Just as He is exalted over everything in the universe, so He should be preeminent in my decorations celebrating the occasion of His birth. The joy of our Advent season should be obviously and visibly rooted in Jesus.

Is it explicit? “Joy to the World” is a beautiful text to put on the wall—but am I also telling my heart, my children, and my guests why the world should be joyful? What specific reason do I have for this joy? “The Lord is come.” Rejoice because Jesus has come.

Our culture is very at home with spiritual sounding phrases and words as long as they are kept comfortably vague. But Jesus wasn’t vague, and nor should we be when celebrating His birth. This good news of great joy was spelled out explicitly: “For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord” (Luke 2:11).

A Savior. This is the reason we have Christmas. We don’t merely celebrate a baby being born and named Jesus. We celebrate what this infant God-man was born to accomplish. He came to be the Savior of His people. In all our Christmas celebrations, we must keep in our minds that He came for Maundy Thursday, for Good Friday, for Easter Sunday. To simply put “believe” on my wall falls short of the angel’s message to the shepherds. What I must believe, what my children and friends must believe, is that a Savior was born to rescue us from our sins. Start with “believe,” but don’t stop there: “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved” (Acts 16:31). Put “believe” over the nativity. Put the cross on your Christmas tree. This is the comfort and joy of Christmas:

God rest ye merry gentlemen

Let nothing you dismay

Remember Christ our Savior

Was born on Christmas Day

To save us all from Satan's pow'r

When we were gone astray

Oh tidings of comfort and joy

Comfort and joy

Oh tidings of comfort and joy

(from “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen”)

Advent and Christmas offer us a unique opportunity to present the Gospel with the very walls and nooks and crannies of our homes. The festivity of the season and the beauty of the décor can soften hearts and open ears to hear the story of our Savior’s birth. The angels came proclaiming the best news in all the world on Christmas night. Let’s not miss out on our chance to proclaim their message to our world. Let’s use our homes this season to remind our own souls as well as all those living in spiritual darkness that a Savior has come, has died, and has come to life again that they might come to Him and receive life and light (John 1:4). What better news could we ask for? What better gift could we hope for? This year, let’s visibly embrace the best reason of all to celebrate Christmas.

Making a Prayer Calendar for 2020

Pray the Lord would be an ever-flowing fountain of delight
to their souls. "[W]hoever drinks of the water that I will give him
will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become
in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:14b

 Right after Thanksgiving, my three day marathon begins. First, I search through thousands of photos of our year looking for thirteen poignant pictures, making sure, of course, each of my children is equally represented in the collection. That’s only the beginning of the process. Then I have to remember my password to Sam’s Club online photo center, a test question that usually ends in failure and the chance to make a new one (to be forgotten in the future). I upload the photos and then navigate through a busy website to craft together a photo calendar—the one “homemade” gift I offer at Christmas. In all, it takes about three late nights spent crouched over my laptop, typically as I sit on the floor in the dark while playing hall monitor and trying to bore my children to sleep. A neck ache is typical side effect, but the multitasking is a must. Every year it’s the same process, and yet every year I do it. Why?

At face value, it continues to be an appreciated gift that covers our bases for at least ten people, enough to make it worth the work.  The one year I decided to take a break and not make a calendar, my grandma was so disappointed she reused our old calendars, taping up her condo’s monthly activity calendar under her favorite pictures. We took the subtle hint. The next December I endured the neck ache, and grandma and about nine other people unwrapped shiny new calendars on Christmas Day.

However, what I realized this year in putting together our fourth family calendar is that it benefits my own heart more than it does our gift list.

Our calendar isn’t just a photo calendar. My husband and I were uncomfortable with prospect of making our kids “poster children.” We wanted to create a calendar that would feed souls, not just eyes. When we had our oldest child dedicated at our church, we were given the booklet “Praying for the Next Generation” by Sally Michael. In it, she talks about the importance of praying intentionally for your children using the words of the Bible. To help parents get started, she listed out twelve main prayer themes, and under each theme cited many applicable Scriptures to meditate on and pray through. Twelve themes, with Scripture—twelve months of the year, with photos of children in need of prayer. The idea for a prayer calendar was born.

Putting together our photo prayer calendar involves the process of looking at my children and discerning what they need most and what we desire most for their lives. At the most commercial time of the year, it is a project that forces me to put aside sales ads and toy wish lists and instead think through what is most important: the spiritual state of my children’s eternal souls. What do we want for our children? We want them to be saved by Jesus Christ at a young age. We desire them to love the Word. We pray they will walk in the ways of God. We hope they will grow in inner beauty and courageous character. We long for them to treasure Jesus Christ above anything else this world has to offer. And we cannot make any of these good desires happen by our own might or action. It is God who must act.

By putting together this calendar, I am reminded of how much my children stand in need—and how little I can give them. It is a reminder of my dependence on God and His mercy, and a call to prayer. By typing my prayer requests into a calendar and then handing it out to our family and closest friends, I’m asking them to join my husband and I in praying that God, in His infinite power and strength, will do what we cannot do. It helps us to remember how and what to pray—not just for our four children, but for other children, for family and friends, and for ourselves. It is a gift that seeks to refocus our eyes on what matters most according to God’s Word.

It may be too late in your gift-giving ventures this year to think about a photo calendar, but I would encourage you to ponder this question: what do my children need most? Or, what do I most want for my children? Jot down your answers. Look up Scriptures to help you define and undergird your prayers with truth. Put them on sticky notes where you will see them—the bathroom mirror, the kitchen cabinets, even your wall calendar (photo or not). If you need ideas, consider buying “Praying for the Next Generation” to spark your thinking.

Soon it will be time to retire our 2019 House Prayer Calendar. It will go to live with other past photo calendars in the coffee table drawer. Almost every week my children take out all the old calendars and flip through them, reliving memories or asking for stories about times they were too young to remember. Someday, they will notice the printed words underneath each picture—a one-sentence prayer request and a Bible verse—and they will see how, even in these crazy busy years, mommy and daddy and many others were praying for them.

Below are some examples of photos and prayer themes from our calendars:

Pray they will trust Christ as Savior. "[C]ontinue in what you
have learned [...] knowing from whom you learned it and how
from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings,
which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in
Christ Jesus." 2 Timothy 3:15-16

Pray they will be loving in their relationships.
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is
born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17

Pray they would treasure God's Word.
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light
to my path."Psalm 119:105

Pray they will have hearts to see
and delight in God's works.
"O Lord, how manifold are your works!
In wisdom have you made them all."
Psalm 104:24a

Pray they will find unending joy in God. "How precious to me
are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand."
Psalm 139:17-18a

Pray they will joyfully invest themselves in their
God-given vocations. "Whatever you do, work heartily,
as for the Lord and not for men." Colossians 3:23

Pray they will walk in God's ways.
"You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
Psalm 16:11

Pray they will desire Christ above all. "Indeed, I count everything
as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing
Christ Jesus my Lord." Philippians 3:8

Pray the Lord will protect them from the evil one and
forces of darkness. "The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out
and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore."
Psalm 121:7-8

Pray they will become fishers of men, eager to share the Gospel
with the lost."For I am not ashamed of the gospel,
for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes."
Romans 1:16a

Pray they will hear the voice of the Good
Shepherd and respond to His call in faith.

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them,
and they follow me. I give them eternal life,
and they will never perish,
and no one will snatch them out of my hand."
John 10:27-28