Choose the Better Thing

Sometimes the "better portion"can look a lot
like the people who live with you.

 Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

I don’t know about you, but sometimes Christmas preparations in our house don’t look anything like choosing the “good portion.” Instead, there is the urgent search for addresses, and then for a clear, clean flat space big enough to write the found address on an envelope. There is the shopping that happens on the computer—usually as children play in the bathtub and experiment with waves, wondering how high the splashes can get before mommy’s glazed-over eyes snap to attention at the state of the sopping wet floor. There is also the shopping that happens in real stores—like that perfect book you buy for your husband from a real book store where you stand in a claustrophobic line with four wilting, starving children for 15 minutes, wondering every second why you didn’t just buy it online. There is holiday menu planning—which leads once again to the store, this time for that one ingredient you don’t have and the fifteen things you remember you need while trying to find the one thing. There is the wardrobe planning—picking out shirts that won’t irritate the boys and dresses that are equally snazzy for the girls. Of course, along the way you discover there is a hole is someone’s tights; back to Walmart you go. This doesn’t even take into account normal life tasks like cooking and laundry. Sitting down? What is that?

So, I’ve felt a bit run over by December. It added up to a lot of work crammed into every nook and cranny of life not taken up by school, visits, playdates, and sleep. Well, sleep ended up being a negotiable. Last Wednesday afternoon, I walked in the door having finally crossed off everything on the list. The next morning, my oldest child woke up and threw up.

As I ran between rooms, emptying vomit buckets, making lunches, and running laundry, I was struck with thankfulness. I was running hard and tired, but with more purpose and peace. This day, I was finally at home doing the best thing: I was present to my family. Making toast and canceling haircut appointments. Teaching the healthy kids how to build a more durable Lego structure. Brushing and braiding doll hair. Reading to my sick child while squeezing Tylenol and ginger ale one drop at a time from an oral syringe into his mouth, praying it would stay down. This was the good portion.

Perhaps the problem with Martha wasn’t that she was busy about the meal and the housework. Any mom knows these are essential things in any home, especially when a crowd is expected. In fact, if we were to consider the excellent wife of Proverbs 31:10-31, we would see a woman hard at work at home and in business to provide for the needs of her family. But Martha didn’t know when to stop working. Jesus was in her home, talking and teaching. Mary stopped to listen, just as so many crowds had stopped to listen. In that moment, physical food didn’t matter—Mary was feasting on the Word. But Martha didn’t stop to listen. Her mind was too busy with the logistics of physical needs to hear words of eternal life. Her soul, so concentrated on serving food, starved. What she needed was to put down the checklist and to be with Jesus.

In God’s mercy, my child got sick after the logistics of Christmas errands were done. My day was busy, but not because of a checklist. But what if the vomit had come in the middle of Christmas cards being stuffed or addressed? What if he got sick before all the gifts had been wrapped and shipped? What then? What if Jesus called me to come away from all the busyness of errands, from my projects and gift preparations, to attentively care for my child? Would I have found the wisdom and courage to set aside the cards and let things be late? To peacefully and quietly give up my agenda and multitasking and give him my presence? Would I, in the middle of chaos, been able to recognize that sitting at his side was the better thing?

Christmas can be a beautiful time of celebrating Christ together as a family. It can also be a terribly distracted time for moms, who are busy about food, clothing, cards, gifts, and getting to places on time. May I challenge us to fight for focus this year? Let’s not run over ourselves or our family with logistics. Do the necessary things, and then choose the better thing. Get everyone clothed and fed and gifted, and then just enjoy being with them. Don’t worry about checking all the boxes. Aim to do what you reasonably can, and then focus on the people God has wisely chosen to put in your life. There are chores and logistics that are needful, but they are not always needed “now.” Prayerfully consider and choose the best thing for “now.” Choose to be present and attentive to your family, people Jesus has given to you, this Christmas.

As I write this, I have little idea what our Christmas will look like. I know it will be a bit fuzzy—remember those canceled haircuts? They never got rescheduled lest we pick up any worse germs, so the boys are looking a bit thick on top, but we’ll count it as extra insulation. The more important thing is that my oldest son seems to be recovering from his mysterious virus. However, healthy or sick, our goal is to spend our holiday together, playing and resting. To that end, I won’t be posting anything new on this blog for the next three or four weeks. I’ll still be writing from time to time while I sit in the darkened hallway at the end of the day, waiting for the kids to fall asleep, but I won’t be putting myself or my editor husband under a deadline to get things done. While I love writing, I love my family more. During this season, I may not have Jesus sitting in my kitchen, but I have the four children He has given me spending Christmas in our home. It might not always be this way, and I don’t want to miss it. Writing can wait. Now is the time to choose the better thing.

Rest, Mama, Rest

What my child needs most isn't a Pinterest-perfect mom,
but a mom at rest.

Rest. How I long for rest, and yet it remains strangely elusive. Life right now is being a mom, wife, teacher, homemaker, housekeeper, cook, host, etc. While every one of these roles is a good gift, even a calling, it is rest I yearn for most. But if I dare to sit still, the world around me seems to collapse. How is a mom to sit at the feet of Jesus, like quiet Mary, and choose “the good portion” (Luke 10:42)? Jesus did say, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

Perhaps the question we need to think through is: what kind of rest is Jesus speaking about?

It was a beautiful day, and we were worn to a thread. We had started another year of homeschool and transitioned to a new church, all the while continuing to spend late nights and early mornings trying to encourage and help friends walking through various struggles and medical trials. Always, there was the unrelenting reality of laundry to wash, meals to cook, messes to clean up—and a vacation to prepare for. Did I mention daddy was on a business trip? It was normal life and we were weary of it. Still, we were going to visit friends. Packing up kids and changes of clothes and picnic lunches was getting old, but I knew the effort would be worth it. We were going to my friend’s house, and she was just the encouragement I needed.

As kids played in the yard, my friend and I sat atop a trampoline and got caught up. Stress melted away. Ideas flowed, direction and vision returned, and laughter came. We inspected tomatoes as well as the fallen tree in her yard, and then fed eight hungry kids at the extra-long picnic table on their deck. Sawdust and kids flew as her husband cut up branches and boys hauled it to the wood stack, and then together worked to erect a “new” playset they had acquired. Tired and dirty, we packed up and went home—fully rested.

How? My friend’s life is as chaotic if not more demanding than my own, filled with boys, homeschooling, hosting, ministry, working—and then almost all the trees in her yard deciding to fall down one after another, sometimes on top of things. Outwardly, her life is not a picture of Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus. Sitting is rare. It’s been years since I’ve seen her eat lunch (apparently that happens while she is working on her computer during afternoon naptime). How can she not only seem rested, but give rest?

Because inwardly, she is at rest.

She still has bad days and can become discouraged (she would be quick to tell you), but the prevailing truth I have heard her preach to her own heart is “the Lord will provide.” A heart at rest is a heart that is trusts in the sufficiency and work of God. It looks at life and remembers that what He calls me to do, He will enable me to do in His grace and through His provision. His provision may not be what I envisioned or come when I expected it to, but it will come and it will be good.

In Psalm 127, we are reminded,

“Unless the Lord builds the house,

those who build it labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

the watchman stays awake in vain.

It is in vain that you rise up early

and go late to rest,

eating the bread of anxious toil;

for he gives to his beloved sleep.” (Psalm 127:1-2)

The Lord does provide for our rest, but our actual sleep is an outward evidence of a deeper truth. John Piper puts it this way:

I think the main point of these […] verses is: "Don't eat the bread of anxious toil." It means just the same thing Jesus meant when he said, "Don't be anxious about what you shall eat." When we grow up we must all work for our bread. And we can either work nervously, worrying about what men will think of us—and so eat the bread of anxious toil. Or we can work with serenity in our hearts, as serving Christ and not men—and so eat the bread of peace. God's will for his children, indeed the sign of whether we are children or not, is that we not eat the bread of anxious toil. […]

The great test of faith is to believe that when we can see only a bleak outcome to some situation and no good coming of it, yet the sovereign God can and will bring out of nowhere, as it were, a turn of events or attitudes that brings great blessing. And he can do it while we sleep!
(from “Don’t Eat the Bread of Anxious Toil,” July 28, 1980)

The rest we need most, that brings true refreshment and allows us to rest physically, is a heart at rest—a heart that has found its peace in the perfect salvation and sovereign wisdom of Christ.

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. Psalm 116:5-7

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. Isaiah 26:3-4

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. […] As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. John 15:5, 9

Mamas, our lives in this world will be work—but let’s fight to make sure that we work from a heart at rest in the work and provision of Christ. Let us not lead harried lives, restless, frustrated, and eating the bread of anxious toil as if the outcome depended solely on our diligence. Especially as we enter the holiday season and the temptation for worldly, Pinterest-perfect toil abounds, let us seek to rejoice in our Savior’s coming by resting in Him. May we have discernment to work at what matters most, not just what matters to our pride. For some of us (like me), this may mean having the humility to accept what is good—a home filled with creative children instead of a house that is photo-op ready. It may mean that during these busy years of young children, we buy gifts at Walmart instead of crafting them, skip sewing holiday dresses in favor of Goodwill bargain finds, and feast on pizza dished out on paper plates rather than ham served on China for Christmas Eve dinner. And that can all be good—especially if it means mama is at rest and available to enjoy what is most important. The Lord’s provision for me may not be for my life to look incredible by Facebook standards, but for my heart to learn to find satisfaction and joy in “God with us”—in every different season of life.

Mama, when the to-do list threatens to keep you awake, when you feel yourself unravel at the sight of what others can do, do not eat the bread of anxious toil. Look to the Lord. Surrender your expectations and pray for His provision. Trust His wise plan to sufficiently provide for each day, each moment, each task, the needed grace and strength to persevere in your calling. Work with hope. Work with heart as working for the Lord and not for man (Colossians 2:23-24).  And when you have done what you reasonably can, surrender that work and its outcome to His good pleasure—and rest in Him.

“Come, weary saints, though tired and weak

Hide away in the love of Jesus

Your strength will return by His quiet streams

Hide away in the love of Jesus

Come, wandering souls, and find your home
Hide away in the love of Jesus
He offers the rest that you yearn to know
Hide away in the love of Jesus”

—from “Hide Away In the Love of Jesus” by Steve and Vikki Cook