Talk to Yourself, Mama

Why are you cast down, O my soul?

“How long can it take a four-year-old to learn he needs to stop playing to go to the bathroom?” “What do they think this is—24 hour room service?! They know where the cheese sticks are. They can get them for themselves.” “Tape, tape, tape! Everywhere there is tape—except when mommy needs it!”

Sound familiar? Unfortunately, these are some of the words coming out of my mouth in the middle of a long day. It may seem strange to have a post titled “Talk to Yourself, Mama.” Talking to yourself is a sure symptom of motherhood. We all know the signs of a mom in the middle of a hard season: the messy hair, the furrowed brow, the twitching face, and the one-sided conversations muttered under her breath. My children learned young there are times when mommy just talks.

But am I really talking to myself? So many times, those mutterings and snips of sarcasm are merely spelling out what is in my heart—a vocalization of emotions. There isn’t any critical thinking happening in the heat of the moment when I have one child standing in a puddle next to the toilet, another asking me the height of the Empire State Building, still two more fighting over a stick unicorn, and the phone in my pocket ringing. Too often in that moment, frustration and despair come spilling out in angry sentences. As Luke 6:45b says, “out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

Are these words pouring out of my frustrated heart doing me any good? In one sense it’s satisfying to vent, but it doesn’t solve the wet pants, the fighting children, or my mood. The words confirm that my brain is as crabby as my face, but they don’t move me on from there. They just let me listen to myself. Consider what Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones wrote about such mutterings:

Have you ever considered that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them but they are talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking to you. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you. (Spiritual Depression)

My sinful, frustrated self is talking to me. What kind of words come from such a tongue? James 3:5b-6 says,

[…] the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.

My fiery words set myself, my children, my husband, even my friends ablaze. They belittle my calling as a wife and mom, tear down other people because of the inconvenience they cause in my agenda, and complain about God’s provision for me. Can any good ever come from such talk? No. How do I quench such a blaze? With more words.

When the words of my sinful self are stirring up a blaze of unrighteousness in my heart or pushing me deeper into despair, I must fight with more words. Rather than listening to a rant of angry, disparaging, discouraging words, I must talk to my self—even preach to my self—words of truth.

God graciously gives us models of what talking to ourselves should look like. The man of Psalm 42 is a man walking through deep discouragement. His tears are his food (v. 3). His enemies taunt him (v. 10). He feels forgotten by God (v. 9). His psalm does not ignore what his self is saying to him, but he does not let self have the last word. Rather, he speaks to his self, saying, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God” (v. 11). As Dr. Lloyd-Jones observes,

[…] this man’s treatment was this: instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul?” he asks. His soul has been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says, “Self, listen for a moment, I will speak to you.” (Spiritual Depression)

Listen, self—I have something to say to you. And what do I say to myself?

First, I must talk to myself of God’s wise sovereignty over whatever circumstance I am in. Maybe it is a hard day at home. Maybe it is a painful day at the hospital. Whatever it is, Psalm 139:16b remains true: “in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was  none of them.” These plans, however mysterious to me, are designed for my good. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Second, I must talk to myself of God’s promises. “[F]ear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).  Fear not, self—God is present to strengthen you. He will uphold you for another bathroom cleanup. He will strengthen you to do it with a gracious spirit: “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:8). Even when you are weak, self, God’s power is still infinite to uphold and accomplish. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9b).

Finally, I must talk to myself of God’s Gospel. Self, I am sinful and cannot save myself. I need grace and forgiveness. Fortunately, there is One who has come and saved me: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9). Self, if I get through this day, it will be by His grace. And if I fall into sin during it, there is yet hope for me.

“Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him, until he pleads my cause and executes judgment for me. He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon his vindication” (Micah 7:8-9).

Mama, if you struggle like me with listening to your self, take heart and start talking. When angst and anger blaze in our hearts, may we learn to quench the fire on our tongues not with silence, but with His Word. May we learn to talk to ourselves with the Word which is able to carry us through toddler mishaps, sibling quarrels, endless errands and appointments, and much, much worse. Like the man of Psalm 42, let’s remind ourselves to hope in God. May we speak His Word to our souls, and in doing so find the grace to live through another day.

___________________________

Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones passages quoted by John Piper in “Spiritual Depression in the Psalms” (sermon June 1, 2008). Passages were originally published in Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Its Cure (Lloyd-Jones, D. Martyn. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co. Pp. 20-21.)